A Mother’s Hug

I look to you and your tear filled eyes,
And struggle not to let mine copy,
I bend, I kneel,
My arms open, your arms open,
You run,
Your arms close, my arms close,
A precious moment, a loving embrace,
A mother’s hug.

I look to you and your shut tight eyes,
And let mine do the same,
I breath, I wait,
My heart opens, your heart opens,
You calm,
Your hurt heals, my hurt heals,

A precious moment,
A loving embrace,

A mother’s hug.



Post natal depression can bite me.

And, in fact, it usually does.

Since Porridge finished nursery for the summer Shreddies has missed his usual Mummy Time during Biscuit’s morning nap. As a result he’s become extremely clingy. Biscuit in turn is going through that 6 month separation anxiety thing where even crossing the room without her elicits screams.

Add in Porridge being a typical high spirited, somewhat self-centred 5 year old and by last Friday I had had enough of this little army I had created myself. In fact I was probably done by Thursday but pushed through anyway because that’s what mum’s do. 

So on Saturday morning, completely spent and struggling to cope with any human interaction let alone tiny hands touching me, you would think I’d just send Mr. DB out with the kids and get down me time.
Nooo, stupid brain decided that doing so would mark me as a terrible parent. That my failure to cope was a mark of how bad a mother I am. Essentially my Post Natal Depression (PND) kicked in and made me feel terrible. And there is nothing like really needing a break from a situation and also feeling guilty about needing the break. 

PND sucks on so many levels and in so many ways but the worst is when it hits you at your lowest making you believe that you are only that low because you’re a bad parent. Like there aren’t any other factors. Even if you are rocking motherhood in every other way it can make one slip-up feel like it’s time to pack your kids off because anyone would be better at looking after them than you. And that is not true. Not ever. Sometimes, I wish I remembered that. 

Take care


    I love studying. I love learning new things. So for today’s Working it Wednesday I’m going to share with you what I’m currently studying.

    My big thing right now is nutrition, specifically children’s nutrition but I’ll take anything related to the subject however vauge. I’m not currently doing any new studying on this topic but I have gone through quite a few Coursera courses recently that I still have notes to write up for. 

    Yes you read that correctly, I’m technically done with the online course for which I get no credit and I still want to write up notes to consolidate my learning. I’m a wee studying freak.

    Anyway, I have notes to finish for my Child Nutrition and Cooking course courtesy of Stanford University. Also Stanford’s Health Across the Gender Spectrum. Then from the University of Copenhagen I have The New Nordic Diet. Seriously, if you want to learn something new and have a couple of hours a week to watch videos you should check out https://www.coursera.org and all their lovely free courses. 

    I also use Future Learn when I have a bit more time as their courses have more reading and focusing involved. My most recent course from there was Childhood in the Digital Age. However, like the Coursera courses I still have notes to write from there.

    These are little short-term courses that take a couple of weeks and don’t amount to much. However I am also working on a course from OfCourse on British Sign Language which has more practical applications. Like Coursera it’s videos so I usually do one every few days and re-watch it for a few days before I move on. It’s probably going to take a couple of months to get through.

    Even longer term than that I’ve been improving my math skills with Khan Academy. Math has always been my weakest subject so I choose to start right back at the beginning with preschool math. So far I’ve made it to 3rd grade with no issues but that probably won’t last much longer. Again it’s mainly videos so I do them at night while lying beside Shreddies trying to get him to sleep. Who knows, maybe it’ll turn him into a mathematical genius. 

    So there you go, if you ever see me out and about and wonder why I’m staring at my phone there just may be a chance I’m watching a video or reading some course work. 

    What about you? Are you studying anything? Or wanting to learn something new? Let me know in the comments.

    Take care

    Mum tip Monday

    Just a quick tip to share today as I have a pressure headache that’s causing severe inner-ear problems.

    I recently discovered that my kids won’t touch Ritz crackers whirl I love those salty little bites of goodness. Not that I would give them to the kids because of the salt but that wouldn’t stop them asking.

    Anyway I’ve taken to standing at the snack cupboard (also the baking cupboard) and eating them out of the packet from there. So when a child comes in and asks me what I’m doing I say “Eating mummy crackers,” and off the go again safe in the knowledge that mummy isn’t having anything interesting. One day they will be observant enough to also notice the open jar of chocolate spread on the she that I’d been dipping said crackers into. Today however, was not that day and I got to enjoy my salty, chocolatey snack in peace.

    Do you have any tips to pass on? What’s your secret snack and how do you hide it from others?

    Take care


    Why won’t you just eat?

    Dear Shreddies,

    I love you. I really do. But my oath child you test my patience some times. 

    Especially when it comes to food. You love breakfast; cereal, breakfast biscuits, toast, yoghurt, you will happily eat them all day long if we let you. The problem, dear child, is that you won’t eat much else. Oh sure if it’s sweeties or crisps or chicken nuggets from a certain fast food place you’ll happily munch but actual food? Unlikely.

    Don’t get me wrong, some days I seem to get it right and you eat a breakfast, lunch and dinner that are all different. But other days you seem to survive on half a bowl of soggy cereal and whatever snack foods you can swipe off your brother. It is vexing. 

    Tonight you happily pulled your bowl out the cupboard for dinner but when presented with it and it’s portion of mushroom risotto you didn’t even look at it. You were quite happy to steal my mango smoothie ice lolly though and then take my strawberry one when you’d finished (so much for mummy having a treat after dinner). So it’s not that you weren’t hungry.

    I think you just have an incredibly sweet tooth that you feel you must satisfy as often and as deeply as possible. Hence you’re favourite reply to “What do you want for breakfast/lunch/dinner?” is the simple “Cake!”
    None of this would really be a problem, not really really except for one thing. One little problem we have that is worrying your mother quite a bit. You see, my sweet boy, you have been wearing the same size trousers for over a year. That’s kind of uncommon for a 2 year old but given they were too long and are now all a bit short, probably okay. Except… Except now they keep falling down. My chubby little boy has become rather skinny and I’m worried about it. I’m worried about you.

    Frankly I have enough weight worry in this house between your little sister and me so I would appreciate you not adding to it. It’s not like we don’t have food that you have enjoyed eating at some point, you’ve just taken to refusing all but the sweet stuff, and breakfast. So please, please do me a favour. Eat? Just eat more than a bowl of cereal and a few crackers each day. Throw in an apple, a couple of those ridiculous pink yoghurts you love and maybe a tiny bit of whatever we’re having for dinner? Please? Please? For me? For you? 

    With all my love,


    Make it happen Monday

    First Monday of a new month!

    Starting with last month let’s see how things have gone.

    Well, first of all I bought some new trousers except they don’t quite fit. So still working on changing my size. I stopped the fitness challenge I was doing and changed to doing a proper post natal exercise routine as I posted on Friday. I’m doing okay so far but I keep missing days.

    As for food, we’ve been eating a lot of junk lately 😦 and I keep forgetting to make up my oats and then scrambling for breakfast in the morning. But we’re all drinking mostly water, though Shreddies still drinks a lot of cow’s milk but he is only 2. 

    This month I’m hoping to keep that all going plus finishing or almost finishing a crocheted blanket I’m making as a thank you for my aunt. Partly because I’ve been working on it for ages and need to give it to her and partly so I have time to work on Biscuit’s blanket before the cold weather hits and she starts to need it. 

    I’m also trying to really push my studying. I love studying and learning new things. I recently did a few courses on Coursera that I still need to write up notes for so I’m hoping to get at least one course worth finished this month so I can start looking for new courses to keep me occupied. 

    Are you doing anything new this month?

    Take care


    Fitness Friday – Summer fitness challenge

    This actually kind of blew up my Facebook when I posted it almost 3 weeks ago but it’s taken me a while to get around to posting it here properly.

    While sorting out clothes I found a pile of jeans, shorts and such that just don’t fit. All pre-pregnancy stuff that I haven’t yet been able to get back into. There were 10 items in totally that just didn’t get up over my bum or did but wouldn’t fasten comfortably or not.

    So I announced on Facebook how annoyed I was about this. Then I added that not only was I going to try hard over summer to fit back into these clothes but for every item that still doesn’t fit by the time Porridge starts school (Aug 15th) I’ll donate £10 to charity.

    Many people were a bit worried that I was going to be pushing myself too much as this basically amounts to dropping 2 dress sizes in 9 weeks. However most of the work I need to do is not loosing weight (though dropping an extra pound or 10 wouldn’t hurt). Most of it is healing my separated stomach muscles (diastasis recti if you want to get technical). Basically my stomach muscles pulled apart when I was pregnant and they haven’t come together properly yet. Mostly because I stopped doing my physio exercises.

    So I’ve been doing Sara Haley’s 4th trimester dvd workout for the past 3 weeks to help bring things back together and hopefully fit back into most of those clothes. So far I know at least two items out of the eight now fit; a pair of jeans and a pair of shorts.

    I’ve also started to cut down on the amount of junk food I’ve been eating, particularly fizzy drinks and sweets. It’s all adding up bit by bit so hopefully I’ll be able to pull my muscles back and then I can focus on loosing some of my jiggle.

    When I started this back on the 10th of June I took the pictures below so I could have some kind of visual of how much my body has changed. Next week I’ll be about halfway through my challenge so will show you some more up-to-date pictures and share some struggles and tips as well as an accurate count of what now fits.

    Are you doing any fitness challenges this summer? Or do you have a regular fitness routine you’d like to share?

    Take care.